Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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