Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
