Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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