what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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