Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize