I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
