either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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