i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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