I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
