Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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