I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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