ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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