I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize