it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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