Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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