I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
