I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
