The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
