i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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