for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
