Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
