So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
