he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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