Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
