can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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