Where did you get a picture of my penis
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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