she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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