i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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