There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
