Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
MIDGETS
????
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
