im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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