Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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