shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
