i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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