You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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