bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I seem to have left my pride at pride
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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