no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
