I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
