would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
