i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
