Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize