$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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