how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
