Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
