Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
