Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He felt like a one man threesome
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
