dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You need Xanax blowdarts
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
