Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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