i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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