dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I want is dick and wine.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
