Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You may now shotgun with the bride
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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