If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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