Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
