Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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