everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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