is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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