we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my shit smells like andre
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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