Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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