this beer tastes like vomit already
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
