YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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