Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
