My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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