Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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