I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
