Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You can't motorboat a personality
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
