my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
