these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
