I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
