rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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