It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
