he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
