Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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