the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
